Helping Preschoolers Learn to Share and Take Turns
Learning to get along with others is an important developmental task that begins in the preschool and early school years. This social skill, which is essential in the child's later life as worker, spouse, friend, or parent, is also necessary for success in school.
Children are not born with a capacity for sharing. For the first few years of life, children are concerned only with themselves, their needs, and the ability of those around them— their family and other primary caretakers—to meet those needs. This over-attention to the self is paralleled by relative inattention to others. Fortunately, with time, a child's focus broadens, and he becomes increasingly interested in the surrounding world. Interacting with others is one aspect of this enlarged worldview.
A child's first interaction with other children can be upsetting. When it was just Mom, Dad, Baby, and perhaps a mature older sibling, the child got most of what she wanted. Now that the world is wider, there is greater possibility for frustration and disappointment. Other children may take away her toys, smash her sandcastle, say mean things, or tear her painting.
For children to understand how to share, they must be able to see the world from another person's perspective. In other words, they must possess some sensitivity for seeing situations from other viewpoints. Preschool children do not fully have this ability. If preschooler Tommy wants to play with the red truck, he cannot appreciate that Randy may want to play with the same truck. This limitation explains why young children are often perceived as selfish. In actuality, it is simply that learning to share is difficult—if not impossible—for children in the toddler and preschool years. Most children do not develop the intellectual ability to fully understand the concept of sharing until the age of five or six.
Although young children are lacking many necessary cognitive and developmental skills, they will still be required to get along with other children while playing in the same environment. Therefore, adults need to make some attempts at helping children practice sharing. Here are some specific examples of the many ways adults can set up activities that promote sharing skills. These examples involve structuring—that is, changing the environment so that children's undesirable behavior is prevented and desirable behavior is facilitated.
Structure Activities for Sharing with Two Children
If there are one truck and two children, you have an opportunity to structure a situation for practicing sharing. Remember, this is likely to be frustrating and difficult for both children. Suppose Bradley and Jonathan both want the red truck. You would write each boy's name in a different color on separate index cards and attach one card to the toy or post it on the wall. If Bradley has the first turn, a kitchen timer can signal when it is time for Jonathan to play with the truck. The adult then switches the cards, making sure to have an alternate toy or activity ready for the child who gives up the truck.
Structure Cooperation in Small Groups
Some activities may be appropriate for small groups of children. For example, you might obtain a large roll of white paper and spread it out as far as space allows. Provide each child with paint and paintbrush and her own designated contribution to the group project: “Julie, you paint the engine. Maria, you can make the caboose. Emily, how about putting some trees and flowers near the track.” A common theme will help to unite the group while each is actually working individually. Careful adult supervision of the situation will help ensure its success.
Structure Opportunities for Taking Turns with Small Groups
When there are many children and only one coveted object—such as a trampoline, piñata, rocking horse, or water slide—children must take turns. Be sure to designate the turn taking verbally: “Right now it is Kathy’s turn, and next it will be Billy’s turn, and after that it’s Manuel’s.” Carefully oversee the activity so that the turn-taking process works.
Adults should remember that any turn-taking activities are hard for young children. Do not expect things to go smoothly or require children to “get along” with other children too frequently. For example, 5 to 10 minutes of structured sharing time might be followed by an hour of parallel play time, when kids play alongside each other with identical materials and no requirement for interaction.
Developing and perfecting the skills to get along with others is a lifelong process. Making children’s first attempts at sharing as pleasurable and positive as possible provides a solid basis upon which to build.